Spring Cleaner - For Hire

For those looking to hire someone to assist with your spring cleanup efforts, I have compiled a list of my pertinent skill sets:

1. Mow your lawn: By Mouth ..... Oh, I see, apparently there is a magical machine that can do this faster and more precisely and it also won't barf up your grass two hours later.  Well fine, have it your way.
2. Track, Chase, and Mulch your leaves ..... So let me get this straight, chasing and shredding things is not a desirable guide dog skill.  Well fine, but if that leaf happens to attack me I make no promises.
3. Landscape Artist ..... You really didn't want rocks in your grass, mulch in your garden and the twigs yanked off your shrubs.  I was going for a creative modernist vibe but it's ok not everyone can understand it.
4. Trash Disposal ..... So getting my leash tangled around the trash can and pulling until it tips over doesn't count as taking the garbage out.  Picky, picky.
5. Rake-holder-downer ..... You never know when the wind will pick up.  I work for cheap but you supply the rake and the human operator.

I look forward to hearing from you.  I'm always willing to assist a human in need!