1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you will get what you want. Humans try to convince themselves that they've trained you to 'Focus' but in reality we [dogs] have trained them to be effective treat dispensers.
2. Never leave the house without your vest and a poop bag. Yes, the two are synonymous and No, I couldn't have gone at home when you asked me 5 minutes ago.
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| ....you will do as I say.... |
3. Always be upfront and direct with humans; let them know precisely how you feel by covering them in dog hair and slobbering on their pants in just the right spot.
4. Know exactly when to hold your tongue and when to use it to your full advantage. Sometimes a little goes a long way.
5. Don't forget to make time every day for a good nap. A full schedule consists of Eat, Sleep, Play, Poop: repeat, repeat, repeat.
6. Treat everyone, including strangers, like they are your best friend. A wiggly butt is your greatest asset but beware, because attached is your most dangerous attraction.
7. When you do something wrong, it is important to always take responsibility. However, it doesn't hurt to first blame the cat.
8. True love is only a butt sniff away. Of course this is inappropriate guide dog behavior so I wouldn't know anything about finding 'the one.'
9. If it's not wet, sloppy and in your ear, it's not a real kiss.
10. Choose a career with intrinsic rewards. It's so important to do what you love, which is why I plan to spend the rest of my life helping humans in any way I can.
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