Dear Hotel Maid,

I spent all day yesterday rolling around on the carpet and spreading my hair everywhere.  I also worked diligently at pushing my magic food dispensing ball around and dropping crumbs in each corner.  Additionally, I made sure to drink lots of water and slop it all around my bowl.  I DID NOT work this hard just so that you could bring in your evil vacuum and render me nonexistent.  Don't you want everyone in the hotel to know that a dog stayed in this room?  I worked really hard to make sure that everything in my room looked and smelled like I had touched it.  As the sole dog in this hotel, I feel it is my job to create an environment that smells distinctly of labrador puppy.  I would appreciate a bit of consideration on your part for all of the effort I have put in.

"You'll never get rid of my hair from under here!"

Wags,
-Scout-

PS - In case your wondering, yes those are doggie boogers on the mirror by the Jacuzzi.