Things My Human Always Says

Insight from Merit on the things his puppy raiser says.

You need another bone like I need a hole in my head.

I always think this means I don’t need another new bone, but my human always says this right before she buys a new bone, so I don’t know?? My Human is confusing!

You need to find a different playmate. The kitty doesn't want to wrestle with you.

When I don’t play with the kitty, he sits on the sofa and bops me on the head and then my human scolds him. But you know what? Kitties make great wrestling buddies, minus the spitting in your face part. My Human doesn't know everything!

Guess who’s going to _____ today?

My human loves to play this game, “guess where we’re going…” and she calls me at all hours to play. I never win anything and she never gets tired of it. My Human is a lot of work!

You are way too much like Scout.

My human usually says this when I’m chasing my tail or flopping over for endless belly rubs, so I think she means it’s a bad thing. But I always take it as a compliment; have you seen what a smart, handsome boy he is? My Human needs to have more fun!

The food bowl is empty and food isn't going to magically grow in it.

It always, always fills back up. Always. I just have to stare at it long enough. My Human should be more optimistic!

I could never say “No” to you.

Really…because I just tried to eat that dead worm off the sidewalk and I’m pretty sure something similar came out of your mouth… My Human has a bad memory!

Get that puppy tongue away from me.

My human has a love/hate relationship with my puppy tongue. She loves my kisses sooo much that she can never, ever get them. Because she can only accept them in quantities large enough to give her an entire bath; at least that’s my version of the story. My Human needs to learn moderation!

I cleaned up after you and it took all day.

It seems like my human is always cleaning up after me. And she is the only human I know who has all day to do it. Sometimes I think it’d be fun to follow her around all day, just to leave a trail of dog hair and toys behind everywhere she just picked up. My Human is very dramatic!

You’re too cute.

I’m always like, duh. Then I’m like, wait!, you’re just saying that because all humans start to look like their dogs eventually. My Human thinks a lot of herself!