Goodbye Big Bro

To my big brother, Merit:

We haven’t known each other very long but I want you to know that I will always remember you.

I've watched you a lot over this past month and the more I've gotten to know you, the more I aspire to become just like you some day.

I am so proud to be your little brother.

All of the good choices you make and how attentive you are makes me believe in the enormous impact one puppy can have on someone's life.

So many things go on around you every day, but you never get dragged in. Instead, you focus on your job and take pride in your achievements.

When put to the test, you rise to the occasion and never back down from a challenge.

I am so proud to be your little brother.

I know that you have an important role in life.

You were born with a destiny and every day you hold your head high and work your hardest to make sure everyone knows why you’re here.

You have a gift to change lives and I can only imagine the wonderful ways you will learn to use it.

I am so proud to be your little brother.

Some dogs discover their purpose early on while others wander aimlessly for years, but I know in my heart, soul and mind that you have found yours.

I am so proud to be your little brother.

Hold onto what you know, because losing it is not allowed.

As you leave me, I know you will be fine. This will never be my worry.

While people tell me that someday, I’m going to be somebody, I already know you are someone.

I am so proud to be your little brother.

We both have so much more to learn and I am sad that you must leave me in order to help you be better for your future partner.

Promise me that you will keep your eyes open and not let anything pass you by.

You are a great dog and will continue to grow greater, as long as you continue to try.

I am so proud to be your little brother.

I love you, Merit.

If I could be just like you, I wouldn't mind one bit.

I am so proud to be your little brother.

As you go off to a new home, you will do wonderful. This everyone knows.

Don’t look back, just remember – I am so proud to be your little brother.

Love,

Praxis

PS – Please don’t come back too soon. I think I’m really going to enjoy being the favorite around here. ;)

Puppy 1.0 Programming

Dear Tech Support,

How Praxis feels about Sit-Stays

I recently changed software from GuideDogTrainee 15.0 to Puppy 1.0 and I noticed that the new program has begun making several shocking changes to the training software. It is severely limiting access to COME, DOWN, and HEEL applications which operated flawlessly under GuideDogTrainee 15.0. In addition, Puppy 1.0 has uninstalled many other valuable programs such as Housebreaking 8.5, QuietInTheCrate 3.7, and GentleMouth 7.2. It has instead installed new, undesirable programs such as LeashBiting 1.4, TableLegChewing 5.9, and WiggleButt 9.3. Stay 7.0 no longer runs and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstance will it run LeaveIt 12.1 or Focus 14.6. I have tried using Clicker 6.7 to fix Puppy 1.0, but this all-purpose utility has been slow to download.

Please help me!!!

- Puppy Raiser

_________________________________________________

Dear Puppy Raiser,

This is a very common complaint received by our department. Many people change from GuideDogTrainee 15.0 to Puppy 1.0, because Puppy 1.0 is designed with cute packaging specifically to suck you in. However, they don't realize Puppy 1.0 is an entirely different operating system.

Any new program files can only be installed once per day, as Puppy 1.0 has severely limited power before automatically reverting to Sleep Mode. Error messages are common and a normal part of Puppy 1.0. We recommend you keep Puppy 1.0 and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.

I also want to make clear that Puppy 1.0 is NOT responsible for ANY faults and problems regardless of the root cause. To deactivate this feature enter the command “C:\I SWEAR I NEVER TRAINED HIM TO DO THAT.” Sometimes MagicTreatPocket 2.6 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Puppy 1.0 should then run the applications HeadTilt 13.2 and SadPuppyEyes 8.1.

Just remember, Puppy 1.0 is a great program, but it cannot install new applications without repeat downloading. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotDog 3.0, Liver 2.4, Patience 1010.1 and a bottle of aspirin (for you not the program). Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Puppy 1.0 running smoothly.

After several months of use, Puppy 1.0 will become quite a package and you will find many valuable embedded features such as RetrievesThings 2.3, Settle 4.5 and BestFriend 6.8.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Puppy 1.0. Those of us here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck over the next year. We trust that you will code this product until it is fully operational and enjoyable!

Adapted from Guy & Will's Humour

Dear Santa,

I have been a very good puppy this year. I know this because my puppy raiser tells me all the time, especially when I go potty outside or when I walk nicely on my leash. If I was naughty, I couldn't help it; my human is naughty sometimes too and I still love her. Sometimes we pups just can’t help getting into a little trouble.

Do you remember that tiny blue fuzz ball that greeted you when you dropped off presents last year? Well it turns out, that kittens are cute and fluffy when you get them. However, before you know it, they grow up and turn on you.

I’m not asking for bones or extra food this year. What I would really like is when you come to drop off presents for my puppy raiser, put the cat in your sack and take him back with you. PLEASE!

He is so mean! He hisses at me all the time when I stick my nose in his butt. This tricks my puppy raiser into thinking I’m the one being naughty. I’m just trying to make a friend. Once, I bowed to him (To play, NOT because I worship at his feet) and he smacked me right across the nose. What other choice did I have than to try and grab his poufy tail? My efforts at friendship earned me crate time. Don’t get me wrong, I love my crate, but the cat laid right in front of the door and mocked me the entire time. It was humiliating!

He also frames me for crimes. Daily, he steals his human’s socks and drags them around the house. Once, he left one by me and I got blamed! He also chewed through the new bag of dog food and some spilled out onto the floor. I didn't want my puppy raiser to deal with mice – we all know that lazy cat wouldn't dare lift a paw to catch one – so I merely ate the food in an effort to keep my home rodent free. Did my humans thank me? No. I earned several long, torturous lessons on Leave It. He also hides and when I least expect it, he jumps out from his hiding spot and scares the life out of me.

Clearly, Santa, The Cat Has To Go!

Wags and Licks,

Merit

PS - If I wake up Christmas morning and that cat is still here, you’ll have to deal with me – and I’m no small dude anymore, I’m almost 50 lbs! You may have giant reindeer with huge antlers protecting you, but I chew on antlers for desert and I eat venison for breakfast, lunch and dinner – so watch out!

Holiday Thank You

During the holiday season, it’s important to take time to reflect on those who have impacted your life. Over the past few years, I've had the opportunity to volunteer for OccuPaws in several capacities. While I’d like to believe my involvement has enriched the organization in some way, I feel that the benefits I've received will far exceed anything I could ever hope to give back. So I’d like to thank my current Guide Dog in Training, Merit, for the remarkable ways he finds to change my life every day.

You've added a new sense of adventure into my life.

Every day, I make decisions and plans with the thought of whether this will be a new and positive training experience for you. The immense task of preparing you for the world forces both of us to explore and venture to places and meet people we would have never encountered otherwise.

You’re always so enthusiastic and upbeat.

Whenever I see you, you’re full of happiness and enthusiasm which makes being with you so enjoyable. Even when I’m grumpy, stressed, or tired, you find a way to make me feel good. You always make me feel loved and appreciated.

You’re an amazing listener.

Although you probably have no idea what I’m telling you and talking to you probably makes me the ‘crazy dog lady’, I can take solace in sharing my secrets and challenges with you. It is incredibly therapeutic and I cannot thank you enough for always finding a way to make me feel better.

You inspire me.

Every day you go to work happy to assist someone in any way you can and if you don’t know how, you’re always willing to learn. You work long hours without complaint. You are willing to do whatever I ask of you without regard for personal gain. You are a true example of balance and selflessness.

You've taught me so much about compassion and caring.

You are always filled with love for everyone you come into contact with and you care deeply about everyone you meet. No one is a stranger to you. Everyone who knows you, myself included, should consider themselves lucky to have you in their life.

Many puppy raisers say they raise dogs so that someday that dog can go on to change someones life, but you didn't wait for a certificate or a visually impaired partner, you found a way to go out and change the world all on your own. Thank you for letting me be the one on the other end of the leash.

Things My Human Always Says

Insight from Merit on the things his puppy raiser says.

You need another bone like I need a hole in my head.

I always think this means I don’t need another new bone, but my human always says this right before she buys a new bone, so I don’t know?? My Human is confusing!

You need to find a different playmate. The kitty doesn't want to wrestle with you.

When I don’t play with the kitty, he sits on the sofa and bops me on the head and then my human scolds him. But you know what? Kitties make great wrestling buddies, minus the spitting in your face part. My Human doesn't know everything!

Guess who’s going to _____ today?

My human loves to play this game, “guess where we’re going…” and she calls me at all hours to play. I never win anything and she never gets tired of it. My Human is a lot of work!

You are way too much like Scout.

My human usually says this when I’m chasing my tail or flopping over for endless belly rubs, so I think she means it’s a bad thing. But I always take it as a compliment; have you seen what a smart, handsome boy he is? My Human needs to have more fun!

The food bowl is empty and food isn't going to magically grow in it.

It always, always fills back up. Always. I just have to stare at it long enough. My Human should be more optimistic!

I could never say “No” to you.

Really…because I just tried to eat that dead worm off the sidewalk and I’m pretty sure something similar came out of your mouth… My Human has a bad memory!

Get that puppy tongue away from me.

My human has a love/hate relationship with my puppy tongue. She loves my kisses sooo much that she can never, ever get them. Because she can only accept them in quantities large enough to give her an entire bath; at least that’s my version of the story. My Human needs to learn moderation!

I cleaned up after you and it took all day.

It seems like my human is always cleaning up after me. And she is the only human I know who has all day to do it. Sometimes I think it’d be fun to follow her around all day, just to leave a trail of dog hair and toys behind everywhere she just picked up. My Human is very dramatic!

You’re too cute.

I’m always like, duh. Then I’m like, wait!, you’re just saying that because all humans start to look like their dogs eventually. My Human thinks a lot of herself!