Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Puppy 1.0 Programming


Dear Tech Support,

How Praxis feels about Sit-Stays
I recently changed software from GuideDogTrainee 15.0 to Puppy 1.0 and I noticed that the new program has begun making several shocking changes to the training software. It is severely limiting access to COME, DOWN, and HEEL applications which operated flawlessly under GuideDogTrainee 15.0. In addition, Puppy 1.0 has uninstalled many other valuable programs such as Housebreaking 8.5, QuietInTheCrate 3.7, and GentleMouth 7.2. It has instead installed new, undesirable programs such as LeashBiting 1.4, TableLegChewing 5.9, and WiggleButt 9.3. Stay 7.0 no longer runs and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstance will it run LeaveIt 12.1 or Focus 14.6. I have tried using Clicker 6.7 to fix Puppy 1.0, but this all-purpose utility has been slow to download.

Please help me!!!
- Puppy Raiser
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Dear Puppy Raiser,

This is a very common complaint received by our department. Many people change from GuideDogTrainee 15.0 to Puppy 1.0, because Puppy 1.0 is designed with cute packaging specifically to suck you in. However, they don't realize Puppy 1.0 is an entirely different operating system.

Any new program files can only be installed once per day, as Puppy 1.0 has severely limited power before automatically reverting to Sleep Mode. Error messages are common and a normal part of Puppy 1.0. We recommend you keep Puppy 1.0 and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.

I also want to make clear that Puppy 1.0 is NOT responsible for ANY faults and problems regardless of the root cause. To deactivate this feature enter the command “C:\I SWEAR I NEVER TRAINED HIM TO DO THAT.” Sometimes MagicTreatPocket 2.6 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Puppy 1.0 should then run the applications HeadTilt 13.2 and SadPuppyEyes 8.1.

Just remember, Puppy 1.0 is a great program, but it cannot install new applications without repeat downloading. Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotDog 3.0, Liver 2.4, Patience 1010.1 and a bottle of aspirin (for you not the program). Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Puppy 1.0 running smoothly.

After several months of use, Puppy 1.0 will become quite a package and you will find many valuable embedded features such as RetrievesThings 2.3, Settle 4.5 and BestFriend 6.8.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Puppy 1.0. Those of us here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck over the next year. We trust that you will code this product until it is fully operational and enjoyable!



Adapted from Guy & Will's Humour